Key Takeaways

• A peer-reviewed study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that continued exposure to online dating profiles produces a “rejection mind-set” — people become increasingly likely to reject potential partners the more profiles they view, with acceptance rates declining by an average of 27% from the first to the last profile shown.

• The effect kicks in fast: across studies, acceptance rates dropped steeply within the first dozen profiles viewed, then leveled off — meaning the damage to relational openness happens almost immediately.

• For women, the rejection mind-set also reduced the likelihood of finding a mutual match, with match probability declining by 70% over the course of the dating task in one study.

• The underlying mechanisms are dissatisfaction with available options and growing pessimism about one’s own romantic prospects — both of which compound over time with continued app use.

• The local church is uniquely positioned to offer the counterformation young adults need: a community where relationships are built slowly, intentionally, and in the context of shared values rather than endless scrolling.

The Research: What Happens When You Give People Too Many Options

The paradox at the heart of modern dating is this: online platforms have given people access to more potential partners than at any point in human history. And yet people are more likely to be single today than in any previous generation.

Researchers Tila M. Pronk and Jaap J. A. Denissen at Tilburg University set out to understand why. Their study, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, tested a specific hypothesis: that the virtually unlimited pool of potential partners available through dating apps produces what they call a “rejection mind-set” — a progressive psychological shift in which people become more pessimistic, more dismissive, and increasingly likely to reject the very opportunities they are searching for.

Across three studies involving hundreds of participants, the hypothesis was confirmed with striking consistency. Acceptance rates dropped by an average of 27% from the first to the last partner profile viewed. People did not get better at finding what they were looking for as they saw more options. They got worse — and they were less satisfied when they did.

The Core Finding: More Choice Produces Less Openness, Not More

The study’s design closely modeled the experience of using a dating app like Tinder, presenting participants with sequential partner profiles and tracking how their acceptance behavior changed over time. The findings were consistent across hypothetical profiles, real available partners, and three separate participant samples.

Acceptance rates declined as more profiles were viewed. The steepest drop occurred within the first dozen profiles in two of the three studies — meaning that the rejection mind-set kicks in almost immediately upon entering a dating app environment. After that initial drop, acceptance rates leveled off at a lower baseline, where they stayed.

For women, the consequences extended beyond their own acceptance behavior. In the study using real available partners, women’s probability of receiving a mutual match — what the app would register as a successful connection — declined by 70% over the course of the task. The initial relational advantage women hold at the start of online dating gradually dissolved as the rejection mind-set took hold.

The researchers identified two psychological mechanisms driving this pattern. As participants viewed more profiles, their satisfaction with the available options declined, and their perception of their own romantic success — how likely they believed they were to find a match — also decreased. Both of these shifts independently increased the tendency to reject. People were not becoming more selective in a useful way. They were becoming more closed off.

Crucially, people who rejected more did not end up more satisfied with the smaller number of partners they did accept. Across all three studies, higher rejection rates were associated with lower satisfaction with accepted options. The rejection mind-set is not a productive filtering mechanism. It is a relational trap.

The Counterintuitive Angle: Dating Apps Don’t Help People Find Partners. They Train Them Not to Want One.

Here is the finding that should stop every pastor who works with young adults in their tracks.

The conventional assumption about dating apps is that they are a neutral tool — a modern matchmaking service that simply expands the pool of available partners. More options, better outcomes. The Pronk and Denissen study challenges this assumption at its foundation.

The problem is not that apps fail to produce matches. The problem is that the very architecture of the app — the sequential presentation of an effectively unlimited pool of human profiles, each evaluated in a fraction of a second — systematically trains users in the habits of rejection. Every swipe left is a small act of dismissal. Every new profile is another invitation to compare, evaluate, and find lacking. Across hundreds of interactions, this produces a psychological orientation that is the precise opposite of what healthy relationship formation requires: openness, patience, genuine curiosity about another person, and the willingness to invest in someone who is imperfect.

The researchers describe this as people gradually “closing off” from mating opportunities. But from a pastoral perspective, what is being described is a formation process — and it is forming young adults in the habits of conditional, low-commitment, high-rejection relational engagement. Those habits do not disappear when the app is closed. They shape how people approach every potential relationship, including the ones that might actually lead somewhere.

The church does not need a better dating app. It needs to offer something the dating app structurally cannot: a community where relationships form slowly, in the context of shared values, genuine knowledge of another person, and the kind of consistent, low-stakes proximity that has historically been the precondition for lasting romantic commitment.

What This Means for Your Church

At Communio, the Pronk and Denissen findings confirm what we hear from young adult ministry leaders across the country: the relational formation crisis is not just about the absence of opportunities to meet people. It is about the psychological habits that years of app-mediated dating have installed.

Young adults in your congregation who have been using dating apps for years are not simply people who haven’t found the right match yet. Many of them have been systematically trained — by the very tools they are using to find a partner — to approach potential relationships with dissatisfaction, pessimism, and a hair-trigger rejection response. They need counterformation, not just a better venue.

The local church is uniquely positioned to provide exactly that. Not as a matchmaking service, but as a community where relationships form naturally in the context of shared faith, consistent proximity, and the kind of genuine knowing that can only happen over time. Where a person is not a profile to be evaluated but a face you see every Sunday, a voice in the same small group, a neighbor you run into at the block party.

Communio helps churches build the relational culture that makes this kind of natural, community-embedded relationship formation possible. Through intentional young adult ministry, community events designed as non-threatening on-ramps, and a church culture where the vision of commitment and covenant love is held out clearly and attractively, churches can offer young adults something the algorithm never will: an environment that forms them for the kind of love they actually want to find.

Take the Next Step

Communio partners with churches to build relationship ministry for singles and young adults that creates the relational environment where healthy relationships form naturally.

► Read the full peer-reviewed study → journals.sagepub.com

► Explore Communio’s resources for churches → communio.org

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the “rejection mind-set” identified in this study? The rejection mind-set is a progressive psychological shift that occurs during online dating, in which people become increasingly likely to reject potential partners the more profiles they view. Across three studies by Pronk and Denissen, acceptance rates declined by an average of 27% from the first to the last profile shown. People did not become better at finding suitable partners with more options — they became more closed off.

How quickly does the rejection mind-set develop? In two of the three studies, the steepest drop in acceptance rates occurred within the first dozen profiles viewed. The rejection mind-set kicks in almost immediately upon entering a dating app environment, then levels off at a lower baseline. This means that even brief periods of app use begin to shift how people evaluate potential partners.

Does the rejection mind-set affect women and men differently? Yes. Women were more consistently affected than men across all three studies. In the study using real available partners, women’s probability of receiving a mutual match declined by 70% over the course of the dating task. The researchers suggest this may reflect the fact that women are already more selective than men at baseline, meaning they accumulate rejections faster and adopt the rejection mind-set more quickly.

Why do people who reject more end up less satisfied? The study found a consistent negative relationship between rejection rate and satisfaction with accepted partners across all three studies. People who rejected more ended up less satisfied with the smaller number of people they did accept. This suggests the rejection mind-set is not a productive filtering mechanism that helps people find better matches — it is a trap that leaves people less open and less satisfied regardless of outcomes.

What can the church offer that dating apps cannot? The local church can provide the counterformation that app-mediated dating systematically undermines: a community where relationships form slowly in the context of shared values, consistent proximity, genuine knowledge of another person, and a vision of love ordered toward covenant commitment rather than consumer choice. Communio helps churches build the relational culture and young adult ministry infrastructure that creates these conditions intentionally.

Credit: This post draws on the peer-reviewed study “A Rejection Mind-Set: Choice Overload in Online Dating” by Tila M. Pronk and Jaap J. A. Denissen, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, Volume 11, Issue 3 (2020). Access the full study here.